Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Life lessons learned from my stripper roommate...
So I'm going a little off topic today because my last post generated such interest. Specifically, my experience living with a stripper. If you didn't read my last post the details are this:
When I was 17-years-old and a senior in high school I moved out on my own. My guidance counselor was a saint and enlisted me in the work-study program which allowed me to leave classes at lunch so I could work full time at the local Cracker Barrel. One of my classmates said that her cousin was looking for a roommate and the price was CHEAP! I thought I had it made...
...until I found out she was a stripper.
Please note the following list is composed by my experience with this particular stripper. I realize that not all strippers are the same and some have hearts of gold - as demonstrated by Julia Roberts and Demi Moore.
So without further adieu,
LIFE LESSONS LEARNED FROM MY STRIPPER ROOMMATE
1. Personal Hygiene is optional.
2. There is NO such thing as Too Much Information.
3. Never leave the house without a good smearing of white eye-liner.
4. Glitter - It's not just for 12-year-olds!
5. You don't have to ask if they're real - they never are.
6. If you don't break you neck when you fall then the heels aren't high enough.
7. While your reason for stripping is justifiable (insert sob story here) everyone else that does it is a skank.
8. The proper position for entering any room is to cover your eyes and shout, "Are you decent?"
9. If people can't tell how cold you are with a glance, then your clothes aren't tight enough.
10. Who needs dieting and exercise? The secret to a slim sexy body? Lemme just say it's illegal...
11. If you come home and can hear giggling through the front door - Leave! Do not pass go, do not stop to collect $200, get the sam heck out of there!
And there you have it. If anyone else has any nightmare roommate stories I'd love to hear them!